I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude i'm inner monologue high
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
