i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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