Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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