I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
