Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize