were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
