we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
