This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
