I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize