I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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