I faked an abortion last night.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He better not be in your backpack
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize