Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
