Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
