clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
