he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
