FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
