She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a search helicopter?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You ruined the universe
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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