Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
