I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
