I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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