I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
