Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
