Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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