I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
