Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
