i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
