dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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