I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
