OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
