he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
