i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
