The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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