Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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