How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
