apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
