I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
