Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
