Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize