I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
