Got a toothbrush?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
