Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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