This house was built for laser tag.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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