I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
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