i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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