we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
