Dual....:-)
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
