I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
