A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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