rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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