I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
