And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
