You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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