So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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