have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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