You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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