I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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