So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize