my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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