Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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