If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
