dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize