I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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