2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
