I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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