When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
