also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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