If i come over, it means nothing
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
