I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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