Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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