We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize