his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
