This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
