By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize