32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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