dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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