I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
